Boulevard Of Broken Dreams
by Mesalline
Summary: Song fic. Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Greenday. 'I walk the streets at night to clear my mind of the demons, And memories that lurk in the darkest corners.'


_A/N: Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Greenday. This has been written, re written, and written again untill I was finally happy enough with it to post the damn thing. The last couple of lines I must have written about 5 times over. My first ever song fic, all comments welcome. Apart from flames. I'd really love some feedback on this please._

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_I__ walk this empty street_

_On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams_

_Where the city sleeps_

_And I'm the only one and I walk alone_

I walk the streets at night to clear my mind of the demons,

And memories that lurk in the darkest corners.

They are ghosts that haunt me at night when I sleep.

So I make sure that I never sleep, so the demons can never hurt me.

I prefer Cardiff at night, when everybody's sleeping. I prefer night because

I can see the stars, and I feel closer to the Doctor. Closer to home.

At night he protects me from the darkest corners of my soul.

And yet, I have never felt more alone.

_My shadow's the only one that walks beside me_

_My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating_

_Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me_

_'Til then I walk alone_

I walk the streets, often not knowing or caring where I am going, I see my shadow reflected in the lake as I walk across the Bay. The soft orange glow from the street lamps dance and glitter across the ripples of the black lake. The lights remind me of a dance I should have had, could have had, a long time ago. I lean over the rail and stare deep into the lake. I can see nothing but darkness, It's like I can see my life from a different angle, and it scares me.

The shallow lake reminds me of my shallow heart; the heart that would not think twice about shooting someone dead, or retconning someone. A heart that would not dare to love someone. A cold gust of wind broke the peaceful stillness of the lake and shattered the reflection of my shadow. I laugh softly, as I realize that this image is perhaps more suited. It matches my shattered heart. I look back up at the stars longingly, knowing he is out there and has not come back, knowing that he has not tried to find me, hurts the most. I think that deep down I know, that he's left me to take the long path alone.

_I'm walking down the line_

_That divides me somewhere in my mind_

_On the border line_

_Of the edge and where I walk alone_

_Read between the lines_

_What's fucked up and everything's alright_

_Check my vital signs_

_To know I'm still alive and I walk alone_

A soft glow creeps over the lake; the lights are no longer dancing. I didn't realize it was dawn. The dawn of a new day. I vaguely remember saying something similar to Gwen. Smiling at the memory, I start to make my way back to the hub. My thought's start to stray towards Torchwood, my job, my life, my friends. The thing that divides Torchwood from the government, United Nations, and the police, is that we loose the grip on the real world. Most people have a border line of where their job ends and their home life begins. The only person in our team who has a home life is Gwen, and even Gwenlyn seems to be rapidly loosing a grip on reality. I suppose it's my fault really.

I make my way over to the water feature that attracts so many visitors to Cardiff Bay and yet another memory comes to mind. I died here, once. And then I came back to life. I remember the look of shock on Suzie's face before she killed herself. The scene replays in my mind like a video recorder.

_"You didn't tell the others that you died and came back to life."_

_"Neither did you, you followed my lead. Keep doing that and you might just get through this." _

I laugh as I remember my own words to Gwen. _"Keep doing that and you might just get through this." _

That was probably the worst piece of advice I've ever given to anyone. We all end up alone in this job; I suppose I thought Gwen might bring some of the life back into Torchwood. But even Gwen will end up alone. Everyone ends up alone.

_My shadow's the only one that walks beside me_

_My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating_

_Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me_

_'Til then I walk alone_

_I walk this empty street_

_On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams_

_Where the city sleeps_

_And I'm the only one and I walk a..._

_My shadow's the only one that walks beside me_

_My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating_

_Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me_

_'Til then I walk alone..._

The suns up now, a new day begun. The first few cars have started to appear on the roads, perhaps it's time I got back to the hub. I decide to take the scenic route. For a moment I am invisible to the world, truly alone. A woman walks past and I shout to her, but she doesn't hear my insult. I spare a glance up at the sky once more; the comforting blanket of stars has gone, replaced by an ocean of blue, tinted with gold. The step shudders and slowly starts to sink into the ground.

The all too familiar surroundings of the hub come into view. As my lift reaches the floor the hub lights start to flash and the door rolls open to reveal Ianto. He smiles at me, coffee in hand. Ianto's always the first to arrive in the morning, and always the last to leave at night. Greeting him, I take the Coffee that he offers me and make my way up to my office. A few minutes later Toshiko arrives, and then Gwen, closely followed by Owen. I finish the remaining dregs of Coffee and head down to meet my team. I smile. _My_ Team; the four of us, Torchwood. Saving the world day after day, alone. Because that's what we do.

_Fin_


End file.
